


Healing Isn't a One Step Process

by bookwyrmling



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Alternate Universe - Wingman, Angel!Holster, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Yes it is what you think it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:39:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookwyrmling/pseuds/bookwyrmling
Summary: Holster’s locker hasn’t even been cleared out for a week when Ransom comes back from an emergency response to a vehicular accident to find a bag on the floor and a new name scrawled on the locker it’s in front of.  “Adam Birkholtz” might have been removed along with the man’s belongings, but that does not mean Ransom is ready to see “Eric Bittle” in its place.





	Healing Isn't a One Step Process

**Author's Note:**

> Written back when I was newer in the fandom and first learned about Wingman and a post asking fore firefighter AU's in CP fandom came across my dash. (Guys, we don't have these for a reason).
> 
> Check Please and Wingman both belong to Ngozi Ukazu.

Holster’s locker hasn’t even been cleared out for a week when Ransom comes back from an emergency response to a vehicular accident to find a bag on the floor and a new name scrawled on the locker it’s in front of. “Adam Birkholtz” might have been removed along with the man’s belongings, but that does not mean Ransom is ready to see “Eric Bittle” in its place.

“Bro, at least Zimmermann didn’t get it,” Holster says as he studies the name before beginning to wonder out loud about what kind of person this Eric is. Ransom throws his gear into his own locker and storms out.

Eric Bittle is 5’7”, does not require glasses or contacts and has a southern accent. He’s also blond, very up to date on pop culture and has a biting, witty sense of humor. Holster likes him. Ransom pretends he doesn’t exist.

Ransom has been spacing at work and sometimes it can get dangerous. “Jay! Buddy! Are you even with me?” Ransom blinks and suddenly notices Holster’s worried face right up in his own. “There’s two kids and their dog still hiding in the closet of the room you just cleared.”

Bittle is the one who saves the day with the assist when Ransom is trying to get the oldest to put down the pet because he can’t carry all three. “I’m not leaving a teammate behind,” the southerner argues as he takes the dog and Ransom grabs both of the kids, “I’ve got your back. And this puppy’s.”

Johnson gets transferred to a new station. Bittle corners Ransom in the locker room and asks if he’d prefer him to switch lockers. He might have moved here after Birkholtz but the crew has clued him in and he’s felt bad stepping on toes for so long as it is.

Ransom is surprised at the offer, and a big part of him wants to tell Bitty, “YES. MOVE. Get out of his spot,” but Holster is telling him no and Ransom isn’t sure he could see it open back up only to have another new transfer–possibly someone Holster doesn’t like–pop up and use it. “It’s not like he needs it anymore,” he answers bitterly and shocks Holster into silence and Bitty into a sympathetic, “Oh, honey.” “Maybe you could have it instead?” Bitty asks. “I don’t deserve it,” Ransom replies, thick through the tears at the thought. He immediately turns and leaves.

That night, drunk, Ransom crosses a bridge, looks over the edge and stops. He’s there until morning, thinking about it. Of how easy it would be to just fall and be done with it all, but then Holster pops up and they talk about what actually happened and Holster is right. Of course. He always is–was–is? And, it’s not much, but Ransom forgives himself enough to walk away from the bridge.

If anything, it gets harder after that. Holster’s gone. GONE gone. Without even a goodbye. But Bitty’s there and, while a big part of Ransom doesn’t believe he deserves the outpouring of friendship and sympathy the little southerner gives (and the delicious pies), they start talking more.

Ransom finds Bitty a mess in the locker room one day after a severe dressing down from Jack and says, “Yeah, Zimmermann’s a tool. There’s a reason Holster really didn’t want him to get his locker. You, on the other hand-” He freaks out immediately because that was a slip-up and going to sound weird.

Bitty only laughs a bit through his tears and smiles up at him. “I got the Birkholtz stamp of approval, huh?”

“He was always a discerning guy,” Ransom smiles back softly before thumping Bitty on the back, clearing his throat and demanding they go out for drinks.

If, every once in a while, Ransom talks about Holster like he was still around to have a say or opinion about things even after he died, Bitty takes it in stride. Honestly, the guy sounds great and Bitty’s certain they would have been great friends.

It’s different than it was with Holster–Ransom’s friendship with Bitty–and Ransom would never want it to be the same. But it’s good. Bitty compliments his salmon shorts and gasps in disbelief when Ransom tells the story of Holster throwing them out the window the first time he saw them (and the second and the sixth and the twenty-second). Ransom plays wingman for Bitty in a few bars and sets him up with a few guys. When Bitty offers to return the favor, Ransom just shakes his head. There’s always a honey peach pie waiting for Ransom the day after a successful hook-up for Bitty.

And as Ransom spends more time with Bitty, he spends more time with the others, too. He goes out for drinks with the others again and joins in on potluck nights by bringing takeout Chinese (he can’t do Indian because that was always his and Holster’s thing to bring together) and, yes, it is different, too, because Holster isn’t there and Bitty is so there are freshly baked goods lined up with the mish-mash of takeout containers and the huge pot of firehouse chili now, but it’s not bad.

Not until the day Ransom realizes he’s gone a whole two without thinking about Holster and the guilt sets in and he lashes out and pulls back in on himself because he can’t forget Holster. It’s not allowed even if he wanted to and Ransom would never want to forget Holster.

Bitty’s waiting for him at work the next day with a box and a nervous tick, unable to meet Ransom’s face. “If I’m overstepping boundaries, just let me know,” he mumbles before showing him the blueberry crumble pie inside and Ransom remembers mentioning Holster loved blueberries and FUCK now he’s crying all over Bitty and he has to apologize because he was such an ass.

Bitty isn’t good with taking apologies, but he seems happy that Ransom likes the pie.

The entire group sits down to share it, even Jack Zimmermann, and they talk about Holster together with Ransom for the first time–the stupid shit he’d get into and how he’d force them into television show marathons and rant about pop culture and belt musical numbers in the shower at the top of his lungs so it echoed into the hall and that time he got stuck in a tree after trying to rescue a cat and needed rescuing himself–and Ransom heals a bit more, just as everyone else does. Holster isn’t going away. They’ll all remember him together. It’s not Ransom’s burden to mourn him the way he has been. It’s what Holster had been trying to teach him those few months when he’d been his guardian angel.

But recognizing what he’s been doing is unhealthy doesn’t automatically adjust his mindset or actions. Ransom finally starts seeing a grief counselor.

It takes time, but, slowly, Ransom begins to find himself in a better place. He notices more of what’s going on around him and interacts with people more. He flirts when he’s out drinking and if he isn’t ready to invite the interested to his place or accept invitations to theirs or even share phone numbers it’s alright. He’s making progress and slowly getting back to himself.

He also notices Bitty spending more time with Jack and smiling at Jack and when Bitty turns down his offer to wingman for him the next time they’re out drinking, Ransom asks about Jack. “He’s not exactly the nicest guy,” Ransom warns and Bitty gives a sardonic grin because he definitely knows that.

“He’s not the worst, either. He’s been picking me up for extra drills near since I started and I’m getting better with the whole heights thing with his help, too. Jack just…puts a lot of expectations on himself and isn’t too good at the whole communication thing. He’s been doing better with it, though.”

Ransom sighs at that, but shrugs.  “If he hurts you again, let me know and I’ll lay him out.” Bitty laughs and agrees to that. They seal it with a fistbump and another round of beers before Bitty offers to wing for him and points at a tall bombshell blonde sitting with a group of friends.

Her name is March and she’s a resident at the nearby teaching hospital. Her schedule is just as crazy as his and they respect that work comes first for each other. Sometimes they meet up for drinks after long (but not too long) shifts. A couple months in and Ransom really likes when time off corresponds and they go to his place or hers–even if they’re too tired to do anything but curl up on the couch and sleep in front of the tv.

A picture of Holster and Ransom together takes the place of honor on his sofa’s side table on good days and March or Bitty hold him and replace the broken frame on bad days.

Jack’s smiling more at the firestation and he comes out for drinks with the crew more often than not (he used to never join in). He doesn’t drink much and some nights he doesn’t talk at all, but sometimes, like tonight, he has the group in stitches while sharing stories from when it was just him and Shitty as the firehouse frogs. He smiles at Bitty a LOT and Bitty smiles back with a lot of pride and Ransom smiles to himself because this? It might not be what he’d wanted or planned for…but it’s good, too.

He buys a ring for March that weekend and while it’s still too early to give it to her, he likes knowing it’s there waiting.  Holster isn’t there to tell him, but Ransom’s sure he’d approve.


End file.
